getting over myself

I am a sensitive person.

Not sensitive, in the “I like long walks on the beach and watching the sunrise/set,” way, but sensitive in the fact that I admittedly care way too much about what others think. Underneath my cold (so I’m told) exterior and death glares, I’m reading too much into what people say, or don’t say, do, or don’t do.

I read so much into it that sometimes it even affects my interactions with people I am close with. I can name people I haven’t texted or communicated with recently because I didn’t like the way they responded to me in the past, or felt slighted by when they probably don’t even have  an inkling of a clue. It’s pathetic and time consuming…sort of a blow to my own self esteem.

Not surprisingly, it also affects how the relationships I am trying to build with people I interact with daily at work. I’m not particularly of the mindset of making bffs with your co-workers (even though that works for some) but still- you need to build a rapport with people you spend that much time with. I realized today that when I kind of let down my huge barrier wall and spoke casually with a coworker and made sarcastic jokes about other personal things, that they were surprised and met me halfway. I hadn’t really done that before. How do I expect someone to be all warm and talkative with me if I barely do the same in return? Where do I seriously get put off by feeling slighted when I’m pretty much the Queen of Slightation?

I have always been quite reserved and even socially awkward- that won’t change overnight. I sometimes have no clue what to say to further conversations.  I am certainly not a chatty cathy. But I can try harder.